Stock Market Definitions
Bull market: a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear market: a six- to eight-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and the husband gets no sex.
Momentum investing: the fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value investing: the art of buying low and selling lower.
Broker: poorer than you were last year.
Stock analyst: idiot who just downgraded your stock
Stock split: when your former wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Market correction: the day after you buy stocks
Cash flow: the movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
EBITDA : earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor
EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering
CEO: chief embezzlement officer
CFO: chief fraud officer
EPS: eventual prison sentence
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